inbredmonkey (inbredmonkey) wrote,
inbredmonkey
inbredmonkey

Outsourcing: A Battle Against The Far East

Friends, Romans, Denizens of this fine establishment we call "The Internets",

I come to you with a tale of heroism, danger, and adventure. An epic battle of brains versus brawn, of right versus right, of the working-class man versus today's most feared and reviled enemy: Outsourcing. I will not lie to you, dear readers... the story I have for you today is long, and neither for the faint of heart nor those appreciative of the nuances of English. However, a grand triumph is contained within.


I've added my notes in parentheses. Aside from these, the story unfolds with utmost detail, exactly as the battle itself was fought. We now take you to the grand battlefield that is Lexar.com's online chat technical support...

Hello, my name is Devakumar . How may I help you?
(The foe approaches! I steel my gaze upon him and strike my opening blow.)
Andrew Bare: I've got a 4GB Memory Stick Pro Duo that stopped working.
Devakumar : I understand that you have 4GB Memory Stick Pro Duo and it is not working now, Am I right?
(Aha! His opening salvo mirrors my own! I defend with honor!)
Andrew Bare: Yes
Devakumar : Ok.
Devakumar : What is the Operating System on this computer?
(His first mistake! I block, then drive in at his weak spot!)
Andrew Bare: This computer is Windows Vista, but the Pro Duo was being used in a PSP.
Devakumar : thanks for the info
(Foul demon! He tries to distract me with compliments!)
Devakumar : Does it is recognized in the computer?
Devakumar : Is it detected in the Vista OS?
(Hark! He confuses me with a Grammar Attack! Parry with DESCRIPTION!)
Andrew Bare: No
Andrew Bare: I tried it on my computer, my PSP, another PSP, and a PlayStation 3.
Devakumar : I understand that your memory card is not working on your computer, am I right?
(The plot thickens!)
Andrew Bare: Yes
Devakumar : I apologize for the inconvenience.
Devakumar : Are you using an internal or external card reader to read the card from computer?
(Gasp! A question! Perhaps he knows my computer was not actually used! I use the greatest weapon at my disposal... and LIE!)
Andrew Bare: Internal.
Devakumar : Do you have any important data on your memory card?
(Ah, the crux of the matter. I battle for the HONOR of my PSP game saves! JUMPING FLASH 2 SHALL BE AVENGED THIS NIGHT!)
Andrew Bare: Yes.
Devakumar : Are you able to backup and take a copy of all the files on the memory card?
(...Wait, what? Hast my foe forgotten my initial attack? Shaken, but not yet stunned, I maintain a level head and reply in kind.)
Andrew Bare: No, none of my devices can read the memory card.
Devakumar : Was it working properly before in the same computer?
Devakumar : Are we still connected?
(Curses! My well-planned silence attack has been countered! Reply! REPLY!)
Andrew Bare: Yes it was working fine until the other day
Devakumar : When and where did you buy this memory card?
Andrew Bare: I bought it to store data on my PSP, about 15 months ago.
Devakumar : Ok
Devakumar : thanks for the info
Devakumar : Please connect the card to your computer so that we can try some troubleshooting steps to fix the problem.
(I once more employ the ancient art of fabrication, as my computer is devoid of card reading capability)
Andrew Bare: Okay
Devakumar : Right click on "My Computer" icon and click on "Manage".
Devakumar : Click on "Disk management" under "Storage".
(Well, at least I don't need to lie for this one...)
Andrew Bare: It's not showing up on the list.
Devakumar : Ok.
Devakumar : Click on "Device manager" and check if you see any Lexar product under the "Disk Drives" node?
(...okay, forget the battle pretense. Where the fuck are we going?)
Andrew Bare: It is not
Devakumar : Ok.
Devakumar : thanks for the info
Devakumar : check if it is listed under "My Computer" as a "Lexar" removable drive?
(Apparently we're going to check everywhere for this. Okay, I'll play along.)
Andrew Bare: It's not there
Devakumar : Please try this card with different computer to make sure whether the card is working fine or not. You can bring this card to a nearest camera shop to verify that. If it works on other computer, it should be the compatibility issue. If it doesn't work on their computer either, please get back to us. We will help you.
Devakumar : You cannot use 4GB cards with internal card readers as it is not compatible.
Devakumar : You have to buy an external card reader that is compatible with 4GB cards.
Devakumar : The maximum capacity card that internal card readers can read is 2GB.
(...what? Did he really just say all that? When did my PSP become a camera? Oh Devakumar, you're not done yet...)
Andrew Bare: I checked it in my PSP.
Devakumar : The maximum capacity card that internal card readers can read is 2GB.
Devakumar : Well, I found a discrepancy when I check with different database for compatibility. One database says it is compatible with 4GB cards whereas the other one says it is not. We are kindly requesting you to contact the camera support and confirm if the camera can work with 4GB cards.
(Translation: Oops, I'm an idiot. Unfazed by this, I return to my argument.)
Andrew Bare: The card worked fine in my PSP for over a year.
Devakumar : Now, the card must become bad, so that only it is not getting recognised.
(Ah, English. How I miss thee. Time to bring out the big guns.)
Andrew Bare: 4GB cards are compatible with my PSP. I just read the manual.
Devakumar : ou have to buy an external card reader that is compatible with 4GB cards.
Andrew Bare: I can go try the Playstation 3, its manual states that it can use 4GB cards.
Devakumar : Please contact our sales department for more information about this reader or logon to www.lexar.com.

Sales: 1800-789-9418
Devakumar : Is there anything else I can help you with?
(Screw you! I've been at this for 30 minutes now, and I'm not going down without a damn fight!)
Andrew Bare: I've got an external card reader. I got it when I bought my PSP. We can try that.
(Translation: I plug my PSP into the computer. Just like that, I have an external friggin' card reader. That happens to play UMDs on the side.)
Devakumar : yes
Andrew Bare: I plugged it in, there's a Memory Stick slot on My Computer now. When I click on it, it says "Please insert a disk into Memory Stick(F:)."
Devakumar : Ok.
Devakumar : Right click on "My Computer" icon and click on "Manage".
Andrew Bare: Oayt
Andrew Bare: Okay*
Devakumar : Click on "Disk management" under "Storage".
Devakumar : Do you see any drive with rectangular box in the right hand side window, which match the nearest capacity of your card? (EG: Disk 1, Removable)
(Okay, we're doing this again. Whee.)
Andrew Bare: Disk 2
Andrew Bare: Removable (F:)
Andrew Bare: No Media
Devakumar : Right click on that drive and click on "Change Drive letter and Paths" then click on "Change" and assign any other new drive letter and then click on "Ok"-"Yes"-"Ok".
(...the FUCK?)
Devakumar : Please restart the computer once it is done.
Andrew Bare: All right, give it a minute.
Devakumar : If still the problem occurs, please get back to us.
Devakumar : Is there anything else I can help you with?
(In what universe do you think you're done, buddy? No, no. You're staying on the line as I lie about rebooting my computer.)
Andrew Bare: The computer's almost done rebooting.
Devakumar : Okay.
Andrew Bare: Logging in.
Andrew Bare: Okay, the card slot is B: now but it's still not recognizing it.
Devakumar : Ok.
Devakumar : Please give us the following information to create a RMA account for replacement
(THE WHITE FLAG IS RAISED! VICTORY IS MINE!)
Devakumar : . First Name
. Last Name
. Full Mailing Address (No PO Box #)
. Phone
. E-Mail
. Type and capacity of the card
. Problem Description
. Data Recovery (Yes/No)
. Proof of purchase (attached)
Andrew Bare: First name: Andrew
Andrew Bare: Last Name: Bare
Andrew Bare: Full Mailing Address: (withheld)
Andrew Bare: Phone: (withheld)
Andrew Bare: e-mail: (withheld)
Andrew Bare: Type and size: 4GB Memory Stick Pro Due
Andrew Bare: Duo*
Andrew Bare: Problem Description: The card no longer reads in any card reader.
Andrew Bare: Data Recovery: Yes
Andrew Bare: Where is the Proof of Purchase?
Devakumar : Ok. no need.
Devakumar : Thanks for your information. You will be receiving an e-mail within 24 hours regarding the RMA procedure and instructions.
Devakumar : Is there anything else I can help you with?
Andrew Bare: Fantastic. Thank you very much!
Devakumar : If there is nothing further I can assist you with, I?d like to thank you for visiting Lexar..com. Have a great day.
Andrew Bare: Thanks
 
This conversation took me 45 minutes. At no point was my memory card able to be read. This is, part and parcel, why I hate outsourcing, even that within my own company(which to this day probably wants me to buy a damn laptop). I don't mind tech companies using cheaper labor for most things, but not customer-interactive positions. Gimme a break.

Thank you, that is all!

-Andy
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